I Started Focusing On Self Improvement 3.5 years ago — It Has Made A HUGE Difference

I used to really struggle. I had self-esteem issues, organizational issues, would procrastinate and fail classes. However, in the past few years, I started focusing on improving myself, and since then I’ve bought a house, significantly advanced my career (receiving top performance ratings and other accolades), and I’ve been able to pursue hobbies and grow my relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years (hopefully soon-to-be fiance). I think dating her made me realize that I had to straighten some of my own stuff out, and that’s probably what initially set me off down this path of personal improvement.

Here are a few key points I picked up along the way:

I needed to learn what my values are. This is an exercise from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (BTW, this is my #1 Personal Development book ever, definitely read it or at least the spark notes if you haven’t already). Imagine you die and you’re attending your own funeral (either as a guest, a ghost, etc). Imagine various people from your life are speaking at your funeral — this might include your parents, spouse, coworkers, friends, etc… What do you want them to say about you?

When I performed this exercise, I realized that I wanted people to remember me as loving and supportive, inspirational, hard-working to provide hope and alleviate suffering both in my local and global community, etc. I wrote these things down, and it eventually evolved into my Personal Mission Statement — a series of bullet points that summarize the values I want to embody in my daily life. I try to read this daily or at least a few times a week. It keeps me centered on what is truly valuable in my life so that I can make an effort to focus on those things rather than getting caught up in the distractions. This is a great first step — ideally, everything in your life should be aligned with your values.

There’s also a phrase I appreciate — Memento Mori — Latin for Remember Death. It sounds morbid, but if I think that these next 15 minutes could be the last 15 minutes I have, then it makes me reflect on what I’m currently doing and if it’s how I want to spend the last few minutes I have — does it align with my Personal Mission Statement. (Is writing this Reddit post really how I want to spend my last 15 minutes??? Yes, yes it is. I’ll come back to this later.)

I needed to learn self-awareness. This is sooo important. If you are more self-aware, you’ll be able to notice your emotions and actions, and if they are aligned with your values. If you notice that you are feeling depressed, stressed, angry, etc then you can do something about it. If I notice that I’m stressed out, then I might make adjustments to my plan. Maybe before I go interact with others, I try to spend an hour at home either taking a nap, or a bath, or exercising, or whatever to help calm my nerves.

It’s all about practice. To become more self-aware, you can try journaling to reflect on your day/life, you can try meditating, or you can even talk with someone you trust and reflect on your lives/actions. These things have all helped me out. It also takes practice/experimentation to understand what works well or doesn’t work well to help you out when you’re in these various states of mind. For example, if I’m feeling depressed, I’ve found that I shouldn’t watch TV or play video games, but exercise, going outdoors, and spending time connecting with loved ones is very beneficial.

I needed to learn how to focus on what truly matters. There are two parts to this: eliminating distractions, and then working on important, value-added activities.

1. Eliminating distractions: Understanding my values has helped me to focus on the right stuff, and self-awareness has helped me to realize when I’m focused and if I’m not focused, then what’s causing the distraction. Growing up and all the way into my early 20’s, I’ve always been very disorganized and distractable. However, I realized that if I can eliminate the distractions then it gives me space to freely work toward those things that align with my values. Eliminating distractions is a constant journey, and there are literally distractions in every part of my life. Here are some examples, and what I did about them.

2. Facebook/social media (yes, even Reddit) — I often found myself mindlessly scrolling through these online platforms, often for more than an hour each day. I deleted the apps from my phone. I then found myself going through my phone internet browser, so I even found how to block the website from my internet browser.

3. Emails — I realized my inbox would get filled with tons of stuff each day, most of which didn’t add much/any value to my life. I unsubscribed from almost all emails, and when an email no longer needs my attention, then I archive it.

4. Physical clutter — Did you ever have an essay due tomorrow, and you’d find yourself cleaning the whole house to distract yourself? Maybe it’s just me. Anyways, I have been on a journey of eliminating those little things that might distract me. Do I really need 30 shirts, so I spend 10 minutes sorting through them and figuring out the perfect outfit? Nooooooo. You can probably tell, this is basically minimalism. Minimalism can get some strong reactions from people, so I was hesitant to use that term, but yes I’ve adopted many minimalism philosophies/practices.

5. Completing value-added tasks: I personally really benefit from checklists. It helps me to keep track of what is important and I find a lot of satisfaction in completing the things that are important and then crossing them off the list. I started using an app called Todoist on my phone and computer, and it’s great. Because I’m so distractable, I have literally everything on that app haha it sounds a bit ridiculous, but it even includes things like brushing teeth and making the bed. Also, I believe in the 80/20 rule — spend 20% of the effort to get 80% of the impact, you can always go back later and put in more effort if you get some time. But it’s important to keep moving onto the next goals. For example, when lifting weights, I focus on the big 3: squats, deadlifts, and bench press. If I only have 30 minutes to work out, I want to make sure I get the biggest bang for my buck. There are three general categories of tasks to focus on.

6. Sustainment tasks: these are things like exercising, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, practicing good hygiene, and caring for loved ones. These are crucial, because if they get neglected, then eventually I will find myself in a situation where I am not free to work toward my dreams. For example, if I neglect my health, then I will get sick which will drain me of energy and money — two essential resources.

7. Tasks that eliminate distractions and streamline the sustainment tasks: these are tasks like purging old items, clearing your calendar, etc. For example, I like to meal prep. It saves time and money and ensures I have a healthy diet. I also use Instacart, to help save even more time.

8. Tasks that move you forward toward your vision: these are tasks that align with a dream or vision that you have. Maybe you want to start up a non-profit, so taking steps toward that. Or maybe you want to start a family, so taking steps toward that. Taking steps toward owning a home.

I needed to practice financial responsibility. Fortunately, I’ve always naturally been a frugal man, so this hasn’t been as big of an issue for me as it is for some people. Financial freedom is truly invaluable, it provides opportunities to expand your knowledge and work freely toward those value-added tasks mentioned above. If I relied on the next paycheck to get through the next few weeks, then that gives my boss power over me — he can say I have to work 90 hours next week and not get paid for that overtime, and I don’t have as much freedom to tell him to eff off. I have experienced some very tight financial circumstances, and it can be extremely stressful. This isn’t meant to be a guide on how to save money and grow wealth. I definitely suggest investing some time and energy into learning about finances if you haven’t already.

I had to learn how to effectively communicate. I’ve never been a person to openly talk about feelings or be vulnerable. I’ve also had difficulty asking for the things I want/need. I’ve gotten lots of practice through dating my girlfriend as well as my work. These are two separate areas where I get to train and refine my communication skills daily. Being a more effective communicator has allowed me to connect with people on a more personal level, and it helps me to get the weight off my shoulders and get the things I need to thrive.

Summary:

Spend time investing in yourself: grow your knowledge, wealth, and freedom. Spend time working toward goals that bring you joy and align with your values and vision for how you want to live your life. To be honest, writing up a long Reddit post isn’t my favorite thing to do. But I deeply enjoy helping people, and these online Reddit communities helped me get going on this journey many years ago, so I’m paying it forward. Don’t get hyper-focused on self-improvement, doing so can lead to being overly self-critical. Just have fun with it, and keep doing tasks that make your life easier, happier, and bring you more in line with your dreams. I hope this helps somebody. If you have questions/suggestions, please stick it down in the comments or feel free to message me. Have a great day, friends!